White Symphony
by pinksongstress
Summary: This is a 3-chapter fic that serves as the sequel of my previous work – The Song in My Heart. Lacus finally gave her Finale performance, The White Symphony, as she reminisce her past, and contemplate about her future...
1. Chapter 1

_**Disclaimer**__: I do not own Bandai and Gundam Seed/Destiny and any of their characters. _

_**Author's Notes**__: It's been a while since I last wrote a fic, due to my toxic schedule. But now that I got the chance to write again, I found myself writing another centric fic about Lacus Clyne. Even before I started cosplaying, and before I began role-playing Lacus Clyne in Hero TV Forum, Gundam Seed Renaissance and Anime Role-playing Community, and even before I was a writer - I was a fan. A fan who likes Lacus not because of her beauty and power, but because of her continuous struggle in life to strive to be as great as she is now. _

_I wrote this fic not to emphasize her role as a leader, I wrote this fic to let people know how Lacus felt deep inside, her other self, her flaws and weaknesses. I wrote this to let others understand, that she's just like anybody else, that she's not special for who she is – she is just Lacus. No more… no less…_

_This is a 3-chapter fic that serves as the sequel of my previous work – The Song in My Heart. I use symbolism as my technique in writing, so I can let my readers interpret my work on their own. At the end of each chapter is my own interpretation. _

_oooOOOooo_

_**Chapter 1: My songs **_

_Night came upon Aprilius City, where the artificial moon gave its soft glow upon a ruined abandoned stadium. The stars shined brightly against the vast darkness of space, as it's pictured like a sea filled with sparkling diamonds. It was under this same night sky when it all happened. And I never thought that I would find myself standing in this stage again. The stage where I used to perform, the stage where I sung my heart out, the stage that I loved. Back then, this dome would be filled with people to watch me, and listen to my songs. Back then, this place served as my sanctuary of peace and tranquility. It was a symbol to my people as a safe dwelling place. _

_But now, I could no longer recognize this place. The war left it in ruins, barren and lifeless. I stepped on the stage once more as I reminisce my past. It was once filled with lights that I loved, but now my only spotlight was the soft glow of the moon, as it gave its luminance unto my body. _

_The stage is set, and I'm ready to sing my Finale…_

… _My songs…_

As I watched the artificial sun retreat to its lair, and night slowly covers the peaceful city of Aprilius One with darkness. I walked the stoned steps once more in the place that I thought that was long destroyed by war. The place where I grew up, the roots of all my memories. The place that I called home…

I walked in through the front entrance, hesitant to set my foot inside. Scared of seeing the things that I most cherished destroyed and in ruins. But I couldn't deny reality and run away from this. A sudden pain ache in heart as I saw with own pair of gray eyes of what that is left with my beloved home. The walls were already crumbled into tiny debris, the floor was a mess and filled with shards of broken window glasses, and stains of blood were splattered on the walls. The agony within me continued to ache as what I've witnessed shattered my soul.

I let my own body wander off through the place, and as of instinct, my feet led me to my favorite place in the house – the garden. My heart sank in deep sorrow, seeing my once beautiful garden into lifeless piece of land. The flowers that I nurtured everyday were now withered and deprived from life. My friends that loved, my children whom I nurtured – vanished in an instant. Their beautiful blossoms would always bring a smile on my face, and the sweetness of their scent would tingle my senses. But now, only the smell of burned wood and gunpowder can be sensed wherever I go.

Memories from my past began to play back in my mind, while I slowly recollect the moments I spent here. I could still remember those days I spent with Kira, the times that we talked, the moments that we shared, until the time he bid his farewell. I remember that pair of purple orbs so filled with determination to fight for his beliefs.

Beliefs… Indeed, all humans have their own set of beliefs, may it be Naturals or Coordinators. We fight for what we believe in, we do not to fight for good or evil, nor what is right or wrong. It is up to us to make those choices, and decide which path to take.

I found myself walking back inside the manor, entering a half open dark room. It was a spacious room lined with oversized burned wooden shelves with its books scattered unto the floor. Across the room was a wide mahogany desk punctured with bullets and stained with blood that has already been dried. A large old portrait of a blonde man in his late 40's was decorated behind. At first glance, it's hard to recognize the man in the portrait because of its torn pieces and splattered bloodstains. But despite the decaying parts of this piece of art, you can never miss the strong dignified stance of the man in the painting. As I looked deeper in his pair of eyes, I can sense greatness yet at the same time kindness with this man. A man who died as he fought for his beliefs. I couldn't help myself to tremble, as my eyes began to sting while it fills up with tears.

_Father…_

I greeted him with a smile as I walked nearer towards the portrait. As our eyes finally met, I forced myself to smile and be strong, yet I can't seem to stop myself from holding back the tears.

"I miss you so much father…" I finally said, trying to gain control. I found myself subconsciously hugging my own body. "I miss the feeling of your big warm hands gently wrapping them around me. I miss your presence that would always give me a secured feeling." But the emotion just whelmed up inside me that my tears rolled down my cheeks endlessly.

I feel so lonely that I wished that he was here to help me be strong. He was a great leader, a great father, and a great man. He fought strongly for your belief of living in harmony among the Naturals and Coordinators. He thought of the future not only for his family but for his fellowmen as well.

"I hope you can you see me now father. I've become the Chairwoman of PLANTs, just like you. And I hope that even if you're not with me, that you'll be proud of me. Give me strength…"

While I said my heartfelt prayer to whoever that would hear my voice, a sudden gush of wind flew inside the room, tickling my fair skin and wiping the tears from my eyes. It was then that the wind revealed another room at the far corner. The room was dimly lit with a mysterious faint glow. As I walked nearer, the curtains flew gracefully across the room, revealing a piano placed near the window. The gentle luminance of the moon laid its soft light upon the musical instrument, giving it a mystifying aura – beckoning me to follow.

I let my hands touch the smooth surface of the wooden piece, as if feelings it's every detail. It was cold and covered with debris, but I can't seem to help myself from suppressing the strong urge to play it. I led my body sit carefully in front of the piano, while I opened the case revealing its pearly white keys. My finger lingers within its surface as I gently pressed a key. The sound was surreal, triggering my inner most thoughts.

I closed my eyes, while I let my heart play the tunes inside me. The soft music echoed within the whole manor, breaking the stillness of night with its breathtaking symphony. The melody gave a feeling of gentleness, it was pure, kind and caring – like a motherly love for her child. She was more than just a faint memory, she was the one who gave me the gift of music, my love for symphony, my heart for singing. Despite the coldness of the night, my body felt the warmth from her embrace.

Upon hearing this wonderful melody, it was like a lock in my heart finally opened for the very first time. Back then, I sang my songs for peace, but now… Even just now, even for this brief moment, in this quiet night let me sing the song in my heart.

_shizukana kono yoru ni anata wo matteru no  
ano toki wasureta hohoemi wo tori ni kite  
are kara sukoshi dake jikan ga sugite  
omoide ga yasashiku natta ne._

hoshi no furu basho de  
anata ga waratte irukoto wo  
itsumo negatteta  
ima tookutemo  
mata aeru yo ne

itsu kara hohoemi wa konna ni hakanakute  
hitotsu no machigaide kowarete shimau kara  
taisetsuna mono dake wo hikari ni kaete  
tooi sora koete yuku tsuyosade

hoshi no furu basho e  
omoi wo anata ni todoketai  
itsumo soba ni iru  
sono tsumetasa wo dakishimeru kara  
ima toukutemo, kitto aerune

shizuka na yoru ni

_I opened my eyes as I was brought back to reality. I was still alone with no one to hear the song I just sang. I looked up towards the sky and stretched out my hand reaching to the stars. Hoping that the wind would lift my words to You. And so my gift to You, is but this simple song. And I hope that whoever is up there in the heavens – listening to me. I humbly ask to grant me this simple wish of mine…_

…_hear my song…" _

_**Author's Notes**__: Chapter 1: My Songs symbolizes Lacus' prayers. Back in Seed, she sung Shizuka na yoru ni for Coordinators in other to calm them, her songs served as their players as war erupted. But in this fic, she sang this same song using a piano's mellow tune, symbolizing a prayer for herself. Asking for her father's strength and guidance and her mother whom she never had met in her life. It is also written in this fic that Lacus expresses her sorrow of losing her family and her past. _

---End of Chapter 1---


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: My Voice

_Silence…_

_The silence was deafening that I could hear my own heartbeat. I could almost feel the stillness of time as it stopped at this very moment. It was so quiet, so dark and cold. I stood inside the vast open dome. It was so wide that the perimeter was covered in shadows, it was so high that I couldn't see ceiling. There was no light lit. Yet there was light, that source was from the moon's soft glow. Cold and cheerless, that it gave no warmth. _

_I call out to someone – anyone who could be out there…_

_Listen to me…_

…_My Voice…_

oooOOOooo

Another day passed, as I spend my time locked in this hollow chamber. The room was fairly lit and ventilated, a far more welcoming sight compared to my predecessors – Patrick Zala and Gilbert Dullindal. The walls and multistory ceiling were decorated with crèmes and whites, were more pleasing colors for the eyes. At the far center of the room lays a wide mahogany table with a comfy swivel chair. This is the throne of the White Queen – the room of power as they called it, but to me it's my prison. Indeed, The White Queen as they called me, is a prisoner within her own nation, shackled unto the chains of misery.

My eyes lingered around the room, hoping to find something to pass time, and to my surprise a simple photo caught my attention. It was a photo of a girl together with her father a couple of years ago. She looks just like me, the same eyes, hair and face. Her smile was so radiant and full of life. Her pair of grey orbs sparkles like the stars in the night sky. And her long pink haired flowed lovingly passed her shoulders. She was known as the "pink princess", the "songstress of hope", the one who sang for her people during the time of despair, and the angelic voice that touched the hearts of millions.

_She and I are one…_

Back then I used my voice as my means of approach. I sang my songs to my people, hoping that somehow it could ease the pain and suffering, praying that my songs somehow reached their anguished hearts. However, no matter how strong I may look and no matter how firmly I stood, I couldn't stop the tears from falling.

When my father passed away, I held it all up, all the pain, all the tears, all the anger, all the fear, all the sorrow – everything. But I didn't give in, I continued the battle that my father believed in. It was right there and then that I decided that I will my use my voice to fight as well.

But it wasn't only my voice that was heard during battle. There was a voice of a fighter sacrificing himself for his love, there was a voice of a daughter who cried the loss of a father, there was a voice of a friend who sought revenge, there was a voice of a princess who strives protects her country, there was a voice of son who fought for justice, and there was a voice of man who sought freedom from his fated existence.

The voices of many unified for a single goal to achieve. It was a long hard grueling battle – blood was shed, tears were wept, lives were lost – thus called the First Bloody Valentine War. We emerged victorious in our battles, and peace reigned all over the land. To some, it was the time to rejoice their glory, to some it was a time to grieve their losses, while to others it was the time for healing.

After the war ended, I somehow knew what will happen to me. I was scared, so I hid myself from the dark past, hoping to outrun what lies in the future. I was scared of the responsibility that I have to carry, the power that I will have - I was scared of becoming one of them. I was hesitant to accept reality, I was reluctant of obtaining that power, I was uncertain about my abilities alone. I love my people and my nation, it is because of them that I fight for peace and harmony. But I will continue to watch over them, like a mother to her child.

I too sought refuge after the war, and it is within Kira's protective arms that I found the peace I've been longing for – it is to him that I finally shed my tears. We both have wounds in our hearts to heal, the emotional scar that will forever be remembered. And so, I stayed at Marshall Islands, where Kira and I lived peacefully together with the orphans. We were happy and content – with nothing to hurt us. There was the sound of the laughter of children, the smell of the fresh warm sea breeze and clear sight of the valley of stars in the night.

I thought everything was going to be alright from then on – but I was wrong. Night fell, as darkness cast upon its shadows towards our paths, and danger lingers at each corner of the house – the storm has come. Sounds of gunfire and the cries of children echoed through the night while we fled in terror. I knew this moment would come, when those who are in power craves for more. My mind was clouded by the hesitancy in my heart, as I struggle to make a decision that time. I was afraid to let him go and wield his sword, I was scared of seeing him get hurt once more, I don't want to see his eyes be filled with tears again. But I couldn't let the children be in peril because of my uncertainty. And the only to save them is the wake the Paladin from his deep slumber. Once we open the door and entered its realms, there is no turning back – swords and shields will clash yet again.

Dark clouds had started to roll by, covering our future with the fabrication of lies. He wore an invisible mask in front of everybody, with a wide smile crossing his face. His voice was powerful, his words were tempting, as he offers a new world with destiny. Because of this, Kira and I must take on different roads ahead. It pains me to see him left behind, but I must go. I know he will be safe no matter what happens, cause I believe in him just like that he believes in me. But even though we're miles and miles apart, I could still hear his voice as clear as he hears mine.

Voices of old and new met under the same sky, yet the sound of cries in pain and anguish still remains the same. Young voices appeared in the middle of the dreadful battlefield, like new stars born in the vast empty space. A melodious voice, so sweet and carefree that longs to be protected by someone. A voice of boy who yearns for a mother's love. A voice of sisters whose bonds were as strong as their faith. And a young voice, strong and brave was misguided by a blinding light, his cries were the loudest of them all, filled with anger that craves for vengeance.

One man stood behind all this madness, one man alone who speaks of peace and tranquility, yet between the lines of his words serenity are full with lies and deceit. It saddens me, knowing he's willingness of sacrificing people were all just a game for him. This is his theater of destiny, where he pulls the threads of fate of others according to his own will. Echoing throughout his stage, a familiar voice was heard – familiar, yet different. Her voice was cheerful and full of life. She has the same face as I, every inch of her was the exact copy of me, and it was like looking at myself in a mirror – just like a reflection. And then on, her voice shattered just like a fragile mirror itself. She died within my embrace, hearing the last words from her – a remembrance of who she was. Her songs will live in on forevermore.

_I hear you…_

…_I will remember…_

We may have had the same face, but it will appear differently. We may have the same name, but it will be called differently. We may have said the same words, but it will only be meant differently. We may have sung the same songs, but will always be sung differently. We may have had the same voice, but it will be heard differently. She and I are different, and that will never change. But no matter what happens, she will always be part of me. A part of myself that shows my flaws and fallacies - the weakness that I have as I alter it to strength.

I had enough of playing his game, it is time to end it. Destiny is not for humans to control, its wheels will turn on its own free will. It's true, conflicts may never disappear within the human heart. But with those times we fall and get hurt, comes a time we rise again and be stronger. We dream... and we can wish for a better future… these will serve as our strength to continue living on. That is why we fight, not merely to protect ourselves but to fight for our beliefs so we can live on to the present for a brighter tomorrow – a future for us all.

It's time for the last curtain call and all us have gathered on the stage. A few walks from Angel's Point there was an area that once a forest, with its path winding down from the highway up there to the small dock down. Beautiful blossoming flowers grew a portion of the dock. It was a peaceful place, but now its beauty was gone because of the war. We called it the Memorial on the beach, a memorial to the people who died during the First War, when the Earth Alliance invaded Orb.

I don't remember that day well, it was one of the moments I want to forget. Many lives were spent for nothing but fighting. I remember Kira and the others battling with the Earth Alliance's new Gundams. But again, I don't want to remember such a sad story. A cold stone tablet was placed by the cliff with some wild flowers growing at the side. The place was quiet and peaceful, but the fact that this was the place that once bathed in blood of people that died in the war will forever remain and never will be washed away by the sea.

And now, we found ourselves in this place again, where we met the boy from the past. Back then, his eyes shows evidence of anger and rage. But now, he was different, with the company of Athrun and the Hawke sisters. Athrun introduced us to each other, and Kira offered him his hand and said:

_"Would you join us, Shinn? Together we'll make sure that the flowers blooms again? That will be our fight."  
_  
I remember Shinn breaking down in tears, and I felt happy somehow. We ended the meeting with inspiration and optimism, with the renewed strenght and will to protect that future we had chosen. I leaned unto Kira as we walked happily away, my arms enfolded around his. I was happy, yet at the same time sad. For the time of goodbyes had come. We parted ways and walked on separated paths, vowing that this day would be remembered to protect the flowers that we cherish. And in order to do that, Kira and I have to be apart – he will stay at ORB where he was assigned as the commander of the 22nd Fleet, while flew back to PLANTS to reestablish the nation where I will serve as the new Chairperson.

It's funny, how I find this situation. The very thing I tried to run away from years ago had caught up to me and held me captive. The pink haired songstress in the photo was no longer here, instead, a Queen sat upon the throne – sad and alone. This is now the stage where I sing, a stage so vast and hollow that my voice continues to echo within the walls. The people who sought my presence day by day, served as my audience. Though no matter how many times I sing, they wouldn't listen. No matter how many times I tried, they wouldn't hear my voice. What they sought wasn't my voice, but instead they sought the power that lies in me. But what they don't know and will never understand, that one voice alone could not make a perfect orchestra. It takes the voices of others to make a harmonious symphony.

This is what destiny gave me, the power for the preservation of peace. Others might think that acquiring this power would lead to eternal glory and happiness. The power to lead a nation of Coordinators, the power to control the balance of peace and harmony, and the power to protect the things that we cherish, this is what I have now. However, upon the greatness of power that I hold within my hands, shoulders a great responsibility that I must carry. I did not seek to acquire this power… this is not what I want… this is not what I need. What I desire is but of a simple wish to be granted.

_I wish to find the one thing that I lost…_

_oooOOOooo_

_My life is now like this empty dome – empty and lifeless. Now I ask myself, even if I sing right now, will someone listen? _

_I could see no one in the stadium, I could hear no sound to disturb the heavy silence. It was then that I realized that I was all alone. Alone with no one to see me perform… alone that no one seem to care… alone that no one to hear my voice…_

_Mizu no naka ni yoru ga yureteru  
Kanashii hodo shizuka ni tatazumu  
Midorinasu kishibe_

Utsukushii yoake wo  
Tada matte iraretara  
Kirei na kokoro de

Kurai umi to sora no mukou ni  
Arasoi no nai basho ga aruno to  
Osiete kureta no wa dare  
Dare mo ga tadori tsukenai  
Soretomo dareka no kokoro no naka ni

Mizu no nagare wo shizumete  
Kureru daichi wo uruosu shirabe  
Ima wa doko nimo nakutemo  
Kitto jibun de te ni ireruno  
Itsumo, itsuka, kitto

Mizu no akashi wo kono te ni  
Subete no honoo wo nomikonde nao  
Hiroku yasashiku nagareru  
Sono shizukesa ni tadoritsuku no  
Itsumo, itsuka, kitto  
Anata no te wo tori…

_The song ended with its last word ringing throughout the depressed theater. I felt so lost, with no one to run to, with no one to turn to, with no one to call to. I lost the battle and I was defeated…_

…_I lost my voice…_

--End of Chapter 2—

**Author's Notes**: In this chapter, most of Lacus' flaws were mentioned – though not all, but most. Again, I used a lot of things that have hidden meaning – it is up to you, my beloved reader, to find out. But I will tell you this – Voices, symbolizes Lacus' strength – her friends, whom she had when they fought.

I dedicate chapter 2 to my forum friends at Gundam Seed Rennaisance (GSR), though GSR slowly withered away, the times spent with you guys are precious. You guys know who you are, you are my the voices inside me. Thank you very much for the moments and melodies.


End file.
